Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
