bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
