So drunk its hurt
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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