Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
