4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize