the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
