Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize