We need to rekindle our bromance
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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