Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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