God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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