Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
