He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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