I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
