So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
