Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
