You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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