No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
