I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
