quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
