Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
