I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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