So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
