I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
