It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
