im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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