i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize