oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
