11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i now understand why vodka
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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