Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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