Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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