You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
