Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
