We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
