I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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