Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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