I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
