Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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