I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
