Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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