Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
