Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
