Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
