meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
