cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
