What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
