It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
