Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize