Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
