the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
