the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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