Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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