In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
