Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
