So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
