dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
