she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
