3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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