I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize