this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
