She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
