you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
