i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
