Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
