I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
