I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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