you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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