im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
