After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
