Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
