make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
