Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
