just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
