tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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